I'm not going to lie, today was a hard Sunday at church. Sacrament meeting to be exact. It has been almost 4 years since Kyle has been in the bishopric of our current ward and so I've spent that time juggling three, four and now five kids on my own. I decided when Kyle was first put in a bishopric when Kekoa was less than a year old, that we would sit on the front row so that it would kinda feel like we were sitting by him. Sitting there has kept us close to Kyle, but it has also put a lot of stress on me to keep the kids behaved while rows and rows of people behind us can see their every wiggle.
Today was, I think, the third time I was brought to tears at the frustration of my ill behaved children. It is only the 2nd time I've brought the kids to church since Akoni has been born (we missed almost 2 months trying to avoid RSV season). And as I struggled and cried, I had the thought go through my mind, "I've already missed 2 months, it would be so easy to go inactive." I knew as I thought it that it was from the adversary, but I didn't feel any better.
Thankfully, the meeting soon ended and we moved on to our next meetings. I went to Relief Society as the final hour of church. I was a bit distracted by caring for Akoni, but I heard the teacher share a story that taught me such a powerful lesson. She talked about her time as a young mother when she found herself a single parent. She said her boys did not like to go to church and since she wasn't very active, she didn't take them. Now, they are grown and not in the church. She shared how much she regretted her choice and how it affected their lives. I thought about what came into my mind in sacrament meeting and my children and there vowed that no matter how hard it was or how crazy my children ever acted, I would not give up. I will not give up because I love my children and want them to be happy and have the blessing of the gospel in their lives.
2 comments:
You are such a loving mother, Michele. And it will get easier. At least, I'm banking on it.
I'm so sorry Michele! And you are silly, you're the last person I can think of who would go inactive. :)
I can imagine how it must be for you and I wish I lived closer for this main reason, just to at least try to do what I can to help. Sometimes even with just 2 kids can get a little crazy. I always think about you and Sun and how you both can do it. I also had a rough Sunday yesterday.Kaipo doesn't like going to nursery and he just wants to go home by the time sacrament is over no matter how much I try to get him to be okay with just being at church, he cries to go home and it is embarrassing and frustrating. And for the longest time he would just want me and nobody else.
Also, for the past 2 Sundays, I have had no girls show up. Makes me feel like I am failing in my calling but I guess it's time to really magnify my calling to make home visits to get them to come to church. Hope Sundays start getting easier for you.
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